glamberson

According to Sarah Palin's father, You Betcha left Hawaii because Asians made her uncomfortable:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/palins-father-she-left-ha_n_381724.html

One more reason for extremist wingnuts to like her.

Is it already that time of the year? I guess so.

By my estimation, I was almost killed 12 times in 2009. In all 12 cases, I was almost killed by women drivers. Make of that what you will, but I'm the one who almost got killed, not you. In 10 of those cases, I was on foot, and in more than half of them I was pushing Kaelin in her buggy. Also in 10 of those cases, the women drivers were yacking on their cell phones. In 2 cases, they were cutting through the parking lot of the supermarket near our house and were guilty of speeding. In 2 cases, they were backing out of their driveways at an alarming speed. In all but 1 case, they were driving SUVs. And except for one instance, these incidents occurred in broad daylight. I really appreciate the two women who acknowledged, "Oh, my God, I almost killed you!" If you're the type of person who talks on your cell phone while you're driving, you're an asshole. If you're the type who talks on your cell phone while driving an SUV, you're an even bigger asshole. Nothing you're yacking about is possibly important enough to kill me or my daughter over. We need some strict fucking laws in this country and we need them enforced. And if you think there are already too many laws in this country, you're an asshole.

Okay, then. Since I'm still alive...

In 2009, I wrote two novels that will be published in 2010. The first, THE FRENZY WAY, is based on a screenplay I wrote years ago. The second, DESPERATE SOULS, is my first original novel (not based on a screenplay), but it is a sequel to a novel that was based on a screenplay, PERSONAL DEMONS. Both of them are big "action horror" novels set in NYC. THE FRENZY WAY is my take on werewolves, and I believe I created an original mythology for them. I believe that DESPERATE SOULS is my best novel to date, and confirms that Jake Helman is worthy of series treatment. We shall see.

2009 was the second year I essentially made my living in horror, between my Fear Zone income, novel advances, and royalties. But I got my last FZ check in September, so I'm now need to get night time work pronto or we'll be homeless. It's that grim. I'ven been posting FZ content for free isince October, but that will stop sometime next week.

In 2009, I made a movie! After two years of false starts on another project, I finally said "Fuck it" and made SLIME CITY MASSACRE, which turned out to be the best creative experience of my life. As a few people involved with the production have pointed out, it's so rare to have a project where everyone gives their all and demonstrates talent. The end result will be judged by the public soon enough, but I feel we've made a unique movie that everyone involved will be proud of. I honestly could not have made this sucker if my wife Tamar hadn't been willing to take this thing on. Love you, babe. Thanks.

I had two books nominated for Bram Stoker Awards in 2009: JOHNNY GRUESOME and CHEAP SCARES! LOW BUDGET HORROR FILMMAKERS SHARE THEIR SECRETS. I never beleived JOHNNY deserved to win, but I'm grateful others did. I had higher hopes for CHEAP SCARES. which I believe is one of the best books of its kind, but so it goes. I'm very pleased with both nominations.

JOHNNY did win Dark Scribe's "Best Small Press Chill" Fan Favorite Award, an IPPY for Best Horror, and a Benjamin Franklin Award for Best Cover, so I guess I wasn't crazy to want to novelize a screenplay I wrote when I was only 18; this month my royalties paid for my mortgage.

I wrote a screenplay for hire this year. I think it's a damned good script, but I think the guy who hired me has very little chance of raising the budget and don't think this will ever get made.

POP Cinema released all of my films so far in the 2-disc DVD, GREG LAMBERSON'S SLIME CITY GRINDHOUSE COLLECTION and did a truly amazing job packaging it.

I had an amazing time at Rue Morgue's Festival of Fear this year. Medallion promoted PERSONAL DEMONS by giving away 1500 chapbooks featuring three chapters from the book for me to sign. And Medallion put up finisihng money for SCM, turning our relationship into a real partnership, and flew me out to their Illinois offices to do the first "Interactive Virtual Book Signing." I'm happy to be with this crew.

And of course, Medallion reprinted PERSONAL DEMONS as my first mass market paperback. It's been a long road for this book, dating back to the 2004 publication of the Limited Edition hardcover by Broken Umbrella Press.

The film drove me way, way, way deeper into debt, and the news that I have to replace a sewer line and my furnace next year does not fill me with hope.

In 2009, I watched my daughter develop an amazingly strong personality and a love for the Universal monsters. It's been spectacular watching her grow and learn and has been maddening when she's been difficult, abusive or obnoxious. A pretty incredible kid an beautiful beyond belief. I love when she says, "You're a bad boy, like Frankenstein's monster!" or, "Put. The candle. BACK!"

Despite the financial stress, I'm really looking forward to 2010, when I'll have two new novels - my best two novels - published and a film released. Here's hoping we get the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan, and then we get universal healthcare. And here's hoping that LOST has an awesome final season!

I got up early this morning to tackle a bunch of things,and only got maybe 1/4 of them done.

Tonight we went to Tamar's office party, held in a fancy restaurant. Kaelin proved (again) that she's my daughter by running around, refusing to behave, and screaming at me whenever I tried to get her under control. But at least she had fun and I had a ton of good food. I'm glad Tamar went back to this job because the company isn't some soulless ,onster, and the difference between this run and the previosu stint is she often used to work alone in the office and now there are two other people there with her at all times, both of them Spanish women. All three of them have different dialects, which leads to some very funny linguistic mixups.

I just learned that THE FRENZY WAY will be published as a limited edition hardcover in October, four months after Medallion publishes it as a TPB. Details to follow, but I'm pleased the book has been deemed worthy of special treatment after it's already been published.

I have 3 interviews next week: 2 for jobs, 1 for a temp agency. It is SO hard finding a job in Buffalo that works around Tamar and Kaelin's schedules.

I reckon I'll be working in about a week, fingers crossed, wwhich means I have a SHIT LOAD of paperwork to wrap up.

A very in depth, hilarious and entertaining new review of SLIME CITY, covering JOHNNY GRUESOME and CHEAP SCARES as well:

http://beardedweirdoreviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/slime-city-1988.html?zx=7f18833cf092a6ef

The guy really took hos time to analyze EVERYTHING in the movie.

Tamar's Christmas party for her job is tonight, which means a free meal.

If anyone cares, DOLLHOUSE returns to FOX tonight with back-to-back episodes. Aint It Cool says one of the episodes is the best of the second season, but I don't care enough to find out which one.

I re-watched STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN with Tamar last night. I'm not surprised it garnered A & E its highest ratings for a premiere. As Tamar pointed out today, Seagal isn't cool in is movies, but he is in this show. I caught a little bit that I'd missed before: Seagal explaining that he's given a martial arts demonstration to the officers in this Louisiana city, and the chief offered him a job as a cop and he said yes, and 20 years later he's still serving and protecting out of loyalty to the memory of that man. There has to be a lot more to it than that. I want to know where Seagal lives and what his lifestyle's like.

My plumber returned today. He's enjoying JOHNNY GRUESOME. He snaked a camera through my sewer drain line and I watched on the monitor. It looked like Lance Henrikson slithering through that tunnel in ALIENS. Very cool until we saw water that shouldn't be there. There's a break that we need to fix. Verizon's vault may or may not be to blame. The cost? $3,650.00. We have... none of that. At least we can put it off until spring.

I have a job interview Monday, a temp interview Tuesday, and a car appointment I can't afford on Wed. Time flies when you're out of money.

SURVIVOR was excellent again last night. Russell has made this the best season in years (and most seasons are very good), but the other players are good too, and the preview for next week suggests that Mick and Jaison are pretty big threats to him. Fascinating last night: he took out an ally just because that ally figured out he had another idol. Ruthless!

The cast & crew screening will be held on Wed, Feb. 10th at the Market Arcade Film & Arts Centre around 7 pm - a little more than one week before our official World Premiere at the Buffalo International Film Festival in Wisconsin. I'd wanted to hold the screening in Janaury, but the theatre was unwilling to rent space then because so many big Oscar contenders will be playing and studios are unwilling to come off screen for a night. So February it will be.

MAFAC has a great digital projection system and the theatre accomodates 322 people. We will be packed. It's a weird tradition here in Buffalo that filmmakers charge admission to their screenings - including from the people who worked on the projects for free. I always feel sorry when I see friends carrying around stacks of tickets they're supposed to sell to friends and family. This screening is a reward for the people who busted their asses making this movie what it is for little or no money, which is why I'd rather wait to show it at MAFAC then at a more offbeat location - I want the seats, the popcorn, the works.

It's going to be a great night.

Fascinating, captain.


I can't think of a single Steven Seagal movie I really liked, although I remember critics falling all over themselves for ABOVE THE LAW and UNDER SIEGE, which I accept were perfectly "okay" action movies. I didn't enjoy ABOVE THE LAW because I was too distracted by Seagal's claims that it was based on a true story and that he had "done work" for the CIA, which the CIA patently denied. But they would do that, wouldn't they?


I'll give Seagal's flicks credit, though: they were more interesting than Chuck Norris's films. In general, I find all of the Caucasian Chop Socky Kings to be jokes. And I'll take both Seagal and Norris over Van Damme. And Seagal made a really bad movie that was at least about protecting the environment, whereas Norris has proven himself to be a complete right wing "Christian" tool. Sorry, Republicans, but as my wife says, real Christians do not support war.


But I digress like I'm on Shocklines.


I've always found Seagal's personal life and antics more interesting than his slickly made films. There was his marriage and divorce to THE WOMAN IN RED, Kelly LeBrock; the messy lawsuit involving shady, potentially, mafia involved businessmen, pharmaceuticals and movies - I liked that one because Mr. Macho ran to the cops fast when he thought his life might be in trouble.


Now that the Caucasian Chop Socky Kings are "middle aged" and older, they're even more entertaining. Chuck Norris is the most annoying of the three - he had brown hair once, and then he went blond for his movie career, and I think red for his ridiculous TV show, and now his beard looks like it's painted on. Following in the footsteps of David Carradine, he does TV commercials that mock his former image (without him realizing it), he stumps for politicians who push anti-gay policies, and he does infomercials. Hey, an old dude's gotta keep bringing in the green to maintain the lifestyle of i blond, Born Again, ex-model wife, right? I'm waiting for him to do a cable TV Christmas movie.


Van Damme's career is basically over. After years of cocaine, whoring and other bad behavior, and after Chuck Zito kicked his ass in the since shuttered for criminal activity strip club Scores, he's proven himself to be little more than a drug fueled pussy. I've not seen the recent film in which he plays himself; I hear it's real good and he's real good in it. Maybe the hard times have taught him a little humility.


and what about Stevie Seagal? He sort of disappeared, didn't he? Maybe he was on some globe trotting secret adventures for the CIA, or maybe he was hiding out from those mafia guys he ratted on. Or maybe he was just waiting for the right wacky politician or gym equipment to throw him a few bucks to spread his legs and cheeks to be their pitchman


Wrong, wrong, wrong!


As the new A & E series(remember when the Arts & Entertainment Channel and Bravo showed arts and entertainment instead of reality shows? Remember when right wing assholes told wanted to eliminate funding for PBS because people could get their share of culture on these now ridiculous cable channels?) STEVEN SEAGAL, LAWMAN informs us, Stevie has been a SHERIFF'S DEPUTY IN LOUISIANA FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS! 20 years? This is no reality show stunt, it's not even a movie stunt. I HAD to watch. And I'm gonna watch again!


SS:LM is COPS with a movie star. Seagal and his partner drive around in a police department SUV while Seagal delivers his somber accounts of police work - with all the hyperbole and gravitas of a good cop character - to the camera. And then he goes into action! We see helicopters, foot patrols and screeching tires. Seagal handles the usual family disputes and rowdy bar patrons, and helps disarm a shotgun wielding thug ("Tase him! Tase him!"). As I watched Seagall handle one dispute I thought, "What would it be like if a chubby, jowly, Steven Seagall, minus his trademark ponytail, showed up at my door in response to a 911 call?" And sure enough, we see what happens: those people who would usually be screaming and crying on COPS want Deputy Seagal's autograph, and he's happy to oblige them!


Seagal comes off very interesting in this show. He's super serious in the camera interviews, and lets us know that he still takes his martial arts persona to heart. He's friendly when dealing with non-criminals, and he's one of the guys when he's hanging out with the boys in blue. He's fat enough to be a southern cop and he's got the accent to go with it.


But here's the part, the amazing part. Steven Seagal is a crack shot. When a cop buddy needs to pass a firearms test, Seagal takes him to the range to pass on some Zen like lessons on target practice. And holy shit, he's a better shot than any action hero in any action movie, putting a bullet hole through another bullet hole like Robin Hood with a bow and arrow, and blowing the head off a match stick! Ever the perfectionist, Seagal is embarrassed because e meant to LIGHT the match! Watching this sequence I wanted to clap and shout, "I do believe in faeries, I do, I do!" Better yet: when the cop goes to take his test - which he passes, thanks to the lessons of Master Seagal - we see two of the instructors nodding their heads while Stevie continues to babble on about martial arts, their eyes glazing over. It's clear that this guy never shuts up!


We only get to see Seagal employ martial arts while giving a demonstration to his fellow officers, and this was clearly staged for the cameras. I also thought some of the "coverage" used in the police response scenes was staged; it's kind of jarring to see the typical COPS coverage of two cops taking a radio call in their car intercut with a static, tripod shot of someone running out of their house calling for help.


But this is an entertaining half hour that left me wanting more, and left me fascinated by the subject the whole time. How much of this guy is bullshit? How much of him is real? How much of him is REEL? 20 years is a long time to pull a stunt, and now he's eligible to collect a cop's pension! I'll watch again, and hope that one day we'll see STEVEN SEAGAL: CIA SECRET AGENT or STEVEN SEAGAL: HIDING OUT IN WITNESS PROTECTION.

Well, it's not like I thought for one minute that any gay rights legislation would pass in this state. I live in Western New York. I'm surrounded by rich, white, fucked up, racist, money-means-everything people in the suburbs around me - Amherst, Willaimsville, Snyder, and so on, all driving their SUVs and playing golf and going to "the club" that there's no chance of any progressive agenda getting off the ground in my area except in the City of Buffalo - that being because poor and mostly black neighborhoods vote Democrat, but most of those groups vote anti-gay. Things are getting more backwards and conservative by the day.

--is on TV right now, trying to convince congress why thousands more Americans and tens of thousands more Afghanis must die so that we can stop 100 terrorists. Actually, she's proving just how well she is filling Colin Powell's shoes. I've seen this sow before.

Instead, I'm watching the animated WONDER WOMAN feature. Really violent and kicks ass; nice cameo by Ray Harryhausen's cyclops creature.

Rue Morgue #96 should arrive today; unfortunately, my RM #95 is MIA. But I'm really looking forward to RM #97! :)

Sorry, Mr. President, but your speech - whic I only read and didn't watch - didn't convince me that we need more troops killed in Afghanistan any more than your fictional deadline did.

You've sold your soul to the conservatives and the neocons.

A big raspberry to your B.S.

Okay, I said it and it doesn't feel good. Tonight is Tamar's birthday. It's also our last night with cable TV (other than basic). I sure would like to watch Chris, Kieth, and Rachel one more time before a long dry spell, but I'm not going to waste any time listening to talking heads discuss Obama's plans to escalate the war in Afghanistan.

It should be noted that Obama never campaigned that he would end the war in Afghanistan; he said he'd end the war Iraq and do Afghanistan "right." Well, he hasn't ended the war in Iraq and there is no doing Afghanistan "right" - no one ever has, no one ever will. Don't be suckered in by any "exit strategy" talk, either - that's a red herring.

More American soldiers will die, more Afghanistans will die, and more of our allies will dies. Meanwhile, right wingers with money invested in the industrial war machine will make a killing and the neocons will be happy.

How is it that a country can afford two wars (we can't) but not universal health care? Obama may not want to be viewed as weak, but now he really will be viewed as arrogant... and stupid. I've never been one of those people who believes there is no difference between our two parties - there are vast differences - but playing center field Obama is as bad as any conservative/Republican/Neocon, and Ican't see voting for him again. "Change you can believe in" my ass.

And before any Hillary supporters say, "I told you so!" it needs to be said that Hillary is one of Obama's advisors telling him to go this route. Only Joe Biden is telling him how insane this is. Hillarty the Hawk, fuck her too.

I'm not really down on Dems, though - Pelosi and Reid have kicked ass, and a lot of congress people out there are fighting for the right things.. I just wish my party had a Top Dog leader with the courage of his convictions.

First of all, as I reported on Fear Zone, SyFy has ordered 13 episodes of HAVEN, a bizarre mixture of TWIN PEAKS and 4400 that is based on Stephen King's - "The Colorado Kid"!?! Read the series description, what a joke -

http://www.fearzone.com/blog/king-tv

I'm beginning to think Stephen King is a fat old whore. Just how much money does one person need, and when does that person's reputation diminish because of all the crap he attaches his name to? And I will be completely happy if I'm proven wrong.

On a side note, the name "SyFy" has not grown any more acceptable with the passage of time. How about, "The Idiot Channel?"

Second laughing matter: the guys behind the new TRON sequel - which I'm looking forward to - are now remaking Disney's THE BLACK HOLE! Dear God, why? I know that many people younger than me read this blog and look back fondly on such abso-crap as THE GOONIES and WRESTLEMANIA, but there is no defense for the original film, let alone a remake. And just in case you missed it, THE BLACK ASSHOLE is a futuristic remake of 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA. It was Disney's first PG film and there most expensive one at that time, and it sucked THE BLACK HOLE. Disney recently planned a big budget remake of LEAGUES, at one time to be directed by McG or Michael Bay or one of those types and to star Wil Smith as Captain Nemo! The idea was to go after the PIRATES audience. Thank God it folded, but one turd sinks in the water and another rises to the sky I guess.

KAelin is home sick from daycare. The bad news is I can't get any work done; the good news - I guess - is that we couldn't afford her weekly tuition this week anyway. Our recent plumbbing crisis has wiped us out. I've had a good deal of non-fun filling out ridiculously intensive job applications on-line. And another frigging medical bill jsut came in.

Fortunately, some JOHNNY GRUESOME royalties will save us for a couple of weeks, but we'll just get caught up on our regular bills when our credit card bills will be due. And they're BIG. On the bright side...

I received prelimianry artwork for the cover for DESPERATE SOULS, my PERSONAL DEMONS sequel which will be out in October. The artwork is by Tommy Castillo, who also did the cover for THE FRENZY WAY, and so far it's dynamite: Jake Helman will make his first cover appearance, protecting a femme fatale from a horde of... but that would be telling.

I also received from Phil the rough cut of the title sequence for SLIME CITY MASSACRE, featuring 15 gorgeous paintings by Stephen Romano. I've always wanted a really cool title sequence for one of my films, and now I have one.

And I received a finsihed SFX shot nad some tests from RJ, so things are progressing on that front.

2010 looks to be a great year as long as we don't lose our house.

And speaking of fucked up shit, I'm really, really unhappy about this Afghanistan news. I never thought I'd say this, but I may be too disillusioned tovote next time around.

Now that we're officially in shopping season, I'm going to spend this week pimping the various horror products out there with my name on them. Today is Johnny Gruesome Monday, so let me "dig up" an old friend:

JOHNNY GRUESOME is available as TPB from Medallion Press, Amazon, and many other online retailers; it's all still floating around in some bookstores. The cover art is by tattoo artist Dan Plumely, and the Medallion art team did a great job with the book's interior design. (in the novel, Johnny Grissom is strangled by someone using a heavy chain, and that chain is used beneath each chapter heading and scene separation) I love that Medallion takes the time to do things like that.

Horror Mall has a handful of copies of the Limited Edition of JOHNNY GRUESOME, featuring an introduction by Jeff Strand and full color artwork by Eric Mache and Zach McCain. I think it's a thing of beauty.

You can order the GRUESOME rock CD by Giasone and Marcy Italiano at my website, www.slimeguy.com. There you can also read for free the 2 JOHNNY comic books or watch a hi res version of the GRUESOME music video (which 22,000 people have watched on YouTube, thanks to a split second shot of Misty Mundae's breasts). The music video is also available on GREG LAMBERSON'S SLIME CITY GRINDHOUSE COLLECTION.

No longer available is the Johnny Gruesome Death Mask, because the mask maker flaked out days befre production started on SLIME CITY MASSACRE. Very nice guy, but that shit was crazy, yo!

And there you have it: everything you need for a very Gruesome holiday season!

THE WRESTLER treads similar turf as ROCKY, ROCKY II and ROCKY BALBOA, only now Adrian is a stripper. Mickey Rourke's "Ram" character isn't as simple minded as Sly Stallone was in some of the ROCKY films, and he never becomes a caricature. On the other hand, the film's entire depiction of wrestling is a caricature. Director Aronofsky wants to have it both ways - "Hey, look we're admitting it's fake!" and, "But wrestling is a dirty, brutal sport, with very little choreography, involving razor blades and staple guns!" In Aronofsky's word, wrestling is a good natured version of Thunderdome. Time and time again, he missed the point - that wrestling is FAKE - in the name of dramatic hooey. He could have portrayed the brutal, painful aspects of theatrical wrestling without being dishonest as a story teller. Rourke is good, Marissa Tomei is good, and Rachel Wood is only moderately less annoying than she is on TRUE BLOOD. I found myself bored through much of the film, captivated by the two lead performances. And I rather liked the ending - Aronofsky goes where Stallone wanted to go at least twice - which left me with an overall positive feeling.

#

In a related note, I've always hated fake wrestling. I hated it as a kid when I had to wait for fat wrestlers to finish their thing on a Canadian TV station so I could watch the SPIDER-MAN cartoon; I hated it when I wrestled in high school and felt the stupidity degraded the efforts of real wrestlers; I hated it when Hulk Hogan played "Thunda Lips" in ROCKY III; I hated it when Hogan, Mr. T, Captain Lou Albano and Cyndi Lauper helped popularized it; I hated it when I worked in a Times Square video store and adult men dropped sixty bucks for a VHS tape of "big matches"; I hated it when I worked at a stock footage agency and had to do jobs on wrestling in the 50s; and I hate it whenever I'm around two grown men who start waxing nostalgiac about wrestling in the 1980s. I'm always surprised by how many of my friends actually like this nonsense. I prefer to remember those occasions when I had reason to visit someone in a home for mentally disabled people, and how all of the patients loved wrestling.

DRAG ME TO HELL was one stupid assed movie. It was nice seeing Sam Raimi return to directing horror - he delivers some real shocks and has a tremendous flair for maximizing CGI - but it is my sincere wish that he never WRITES one again. Stupid, stupid, stupid - but fun, at least during the first half.

Yesterday's Blockbuster catch up title as DRAG ME TO HELL. Unfortunately, even with a PG-13 rating, it was too intense for Kaelin (who wouldn't cooperate by watching LILO & STITCH on her portable DVD player), and Tamar went out carousing with work friends in advance of her birthday, so we watched THE IRON GIANT instead. I hadn't seen it in years, and can't believe it's old enough for me not to have seen in years, and we loved it. An almost perfect movie. Maybe we'll get to DRAG ME TO HELL this afternoon when Kaelin takes her nap.

I erected (heh, he said 'erected'!) our big plastic Christmas tree yesterday but didn't bother with the lights, which I never quite manage to hook up right even though they're "attached" to the tree. We finished our leftovers, which is a mixed blessing since we're broke, but I'm glad to be done with turkey.

I've been working on Jake Helman #3 as time allows, and hope to carve out a chunk of it today and concentrate on some SCM paperwork tomorrow. Unfortunately, Tamar is dragging her heels because she was out all night, which means I'm likely to be screwed out of 2 work days instead of 1. I need clones, and I don't care if they're not as cool as storm troopers.

Thanksgiving turned out pretty well. Tamar made a feast, even though I told her to keep it simple, and Kaelin actually like dher turkey. Too many sweets though - marshmallows on sweet potatos, though Kaelin liked that too.

We watched ADVENTURELAND, the fourth of our Blockbuster catch up flicks. It was a nice enough coming of age movie, with a few chuckles, but I have to say it was a disappointment for me. I saw no reason for it to be set in the 80s, and the "story" was completely predictible. Kristen Stewart was more convincing as a stoner loser than she is as a vampire groupie loser, but that's not enough reason to seek this out. Harmless fun, but no DAZED AND CONFUSED.

Everyone's in bed, so I'm doing some writing. Re-read the first two and a half chapters of Jake Helman #3, the material I wrote months ago, even before I shot the film, and now I'm plunging into new material. Too late for NaNoWriMo to junp start me I guess, but I've never taken that too seriously.

Sarah Palin, that hero of non-intellectuals everywhere, would like Canada to abandon its public health care system:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/26/palin-tricked-by-comedian_n_371698.html

Look out, Great White North, here she comes!